Sometimes it seems like everyone has a trick up their sleeve to save cash. Some people use their student ID for discounts years after graduation. Others complain about the sound at theaters for free tickets (ahem, Broad City). We've even heard of makeup customer con artists who buy expensive cream, take it home, swap it with Ponds, and return it the next day complaining about "reactions."To test the waters of the land of the free, I tried out one tactic every day for a week. Does dumpster diving really work? How about returning used clothes at a high-end department store? Is it easy to get free samples at the mall? Click through to see whether these experiments were successes or failures. These are not recommendations by any means, nor are they surefire wins. But if you yourself are a dumpster diving freegan who manages to snag $10 of juice? No judgment.
Ed. note: Refinery29 doesn't sanction this behavior.
When searching for free stuff, the most obvious place to start is the trash — it’s where many people have supposedly found free loaves of bread, unopened, $10 cold-pressed juices, you name it.
But even when it comes to garbage, I have standards. So I decided to raid the chicest dumpster I could find. I trekked to my local Whole Foods only to be confronted with Home Alone levels of security — chain-link fences, barbed wire, and padlocked dumpsters. Are Whole Foods employees throwing away bricks of pure gold? It’s trash, people — take a cue from Queen Elsa and "Let It Go."
Though the dumpsters at Whole Foods were impenetrable, I thought maybe I’d have better luck at Trader Joe’s. But the dumpster at my TJ’s was equally fortressed, which made me wonder. What are all these grocery stores hiding back there?! Then again, I wasn’t that driven to find out since dumpsters are, like, totally gross — the dumpster dive was a fail. As it turns out, my interest in diving stops at Tom Daley’s abs.
Verdict: Dumpsters are pure trash. Skip this one, unless you're a super driven freegan.
Going to the movies is expensive. By the time you’re done paying for the ticket, popcorn, and candy, you’ve already spent this month’s entire student loan payment. Sallie Mae is pissed at you for seeing How To Be Single, but not to worry — there is a way to get free movie tickets.
Gofobo.com is a website devoted to giving you passes to free advance movie screenings. Unfortunately, you don’t get to choose which movie you see for free. That's why I wound up seeing the new action film Hardcore Henry.
The movie has a rather innovative visual style: The entire thing is shot from the point of view of the titular Henry — a cybernetic super soldier who needs to rescue his supermodel wife from the clutches of a supervillain (who I think is trying to take over the world?).
The plot doesn’t really matter — the point of the movie is to experience never ending action sequences from the literal perspective of the hero. If you are a fan of first-person shooter video games you will like Hardcore Henry. I can’t tell the difference between an Xbox and the X-Men, so the movie was a complete waste of my time. It was not, however, a waste of my money — I got a free movie and a bonus case of motion sickness.
Verdict: Though I’m giving Hardcore Henry a huge fail, my attempt to get a free movie was a total success.
A haircut is one of those things you want to spend money on, for fear that if you don’t, you’ll wind up looking like a coiffure cautionary tale, such as the poor BaberShapp girl.
But in the name of experiments, I decided to brave the frightening terrain of free haircuts. Many salons will give free hairdos to people they call “hair models,” a.k.a. guinea pigs for student hairstylists.
I do not believe in animal testing, especially when I’m the guinea pig at risk for a tragic ombré. But I decided to make an exception, and booked myself an appointment at a well-respected beauty institute in L.A., where I trusted a stylist-in-training with my precious hair. I was pleasantly surprised — my stylist made my hair look fierce, and melted away my haircut fears.
Full disclosure: It wasn’t totally free. I paid a fee of $25 (which is basically free compared to the normally astronomical fee of $100 I pay for a haircut!). I did find alternate salons that would’ve experimented on me for free (go to salonapprentice.com), but the risk of walking away with botched locks was too great. I have no desire to star in American HAIRor Story.
Verdict: Okay, so I cheated a little, but is there any bigger success than a fierce haircut?
One of my friends is a stylist, and she has made a career out of not paying for expensive clothes. When I told her about my free challenge week, she laughed and said, "Getting free clothes is easier than getting Kylie Jenner to endorse a lipliner.”
I decided to try my hand at this designer loophole, and went for a bargain hunt at a high-end department store with an excellent return policy. I found an extremely chic designer button-down, bought it for a cool $385, and revenge wore it that night to my ex-boyfriend’s birthday party.
The best part? The following day, I returned the shirt without any drama, which is more than I can say about my ex.
Verdict: You don’t have to be Beyoncé to “rock [a] Givenchy dress.” You can simply borrow one from your friends at a high-end store.
As it turns out, the best way to get a free meal is to have other people make one for you. I am a horrible cook (I need a YouTube tutorial to boil water), but I have many friends who have mastered the mystic art of turning on a stove. I suggested we have a pantry-potluck, where each person would bring whatever they had in the pantry.
It could’ve been terrible, but fortunately, my BFF had some extra cheese lying around, so we made fondue! As it turns out, you can dip anything in cheese and it will be delicious — which made our “free dinner party” much easier. Apples, pickles, carrots, potatoes, stale bread, lunch meat ham — it all worked.
Dessert was slightly less chic, and consisted of a half-eaten container of Oreos, and Cool Whip.
Verdict: Mario Batali would not be proud, but I sure was.
The mall is free sample mecca, right? Wrong. I hit up The Grove, Los Angeles’ ridiculous outdoor mega-mall, assuming that the free shit would be hunting me down. I gravely miscalculated. I scoured the outdoor food court for free samples — but couldn’t even score a stupid Dixie cup of Jamba Juice. I made multiple loops through a small artisanal cheese shop, only to be ushered out by the store’s manager. This was harder than I thought.
Sephora was the notable exception, with employees practically impaling me with mascara wands upon my entrance. But I don’t wear makeup on a regular basis (although high school me went through a heavy makeup experimentation phase), and therefore the free shit at Sephora had limited appeal.
There was a Clinique moisturizer for men that I almost tried, but when I saw the gunky and overused trial bottle, I decided that it was not worth the risk for hydrated skin. I had failed, and so I drowned my sorrows by purchasing happiness in bulk at Dylan’s Candy Bar.
Verdict: The mall was a bust, but there’s nothing a pound of gummy candy can’t fix.
There are two types of people in this world: those who love puppies, and those who don’t. But as everyone knows, puppies are basically like starter children. It’s not wise to adopt unless you have tons of time to take care of your little one (or the money to hire a dog-sitter).
But there is a loophole, and it requires less time and no money. Visit your local animal shelter to say hello to all the puppies (or cats if you prefer). Oftentimes these lonely animals love a little TLC, as they wait for their new owner to come along. I stopped by my local shelter, and started wildin’ out at my very own free puppy party.
I got the opportunity to hang with Buddy, a part Corgi mutt with the cutest face in all of California. The volunteers at the shelter even let me take Buddy out for a walk! I highly recommend a quick visit to your local animal shelter to brighten up your hump day — it’ll brighten up the dog’s day as well. The only risk: major heartbreak when you have to leave your new canine BFF behind.
Success: I don’t know who was happier, me or my new friend Buddy.
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