Like Westworld, HBO's latest creative venture, The Young Pope is not based on a true story.
Jude Law plays Lenny Belardo, also known as Pius XIII, the first American Pope in history — and the youngest. He is calculating, spiritual, and devious. And while he's not based on one specific past pope, his seedy behavior could be compared to certain members of Catholic church. But that's for another day.
Because of the show's realistic setting (it was filmed in Rome, and the producers even remade an exact replica of the Sistine Chapel for the limited series) it makes sense to wonder about the authenticity of Law's character. So, even though there was no real Pius XIII (or any American popes for that matter), there have definitely been a few intriguing young popes, as The Observer points out, who have shaken the walls of the Vatican.
One of the most controversial of these pontiffs was the real-life youngest pope, Theophylactus of Tusculum, and he was even more of a thorn in the side of the church than the fictional pope could ever be according to the Catholic Encyclopedia. At the tender age of 12 (or 20, depending on historical records) Tusculum became Pope Benedict IX in 1032. And apparently, he was the absolute worst.
The site dubs him "a disgrace to the Chair of Peter" (referring to the apostle, Peter, who is the Biblical root of the papal practice). While pope, the young man left his papal role twice, eventually pawning off his title and selling it to another man during his third term as pope. He also led a "dissolute life" and was a "demon from hell," according to the writings of historian Ferdinand Gregorovius.
And suddenly, Jude Law's fictional pope is looking pretty saintly.
The Young Pope premieres on HBO January 15.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Equal parts flattering and seductive, there’s nothing quite as alluring as a tasteful nude…lip, that is. (What'd you think we were going to say?) Understated neutrals are our go-to on days we need to look like a more polished version of ourselves, without all the fuss you get with color formulas. And now, GlamGlow is giving us yet another reason to go naked with 10 new shades of its Plumprageous Lip Treatment.
If you’re already familiar with the brand’s game-changing clear treatments, then we don’t need to tell you just how much of a necessity they are. But for the uninitiated, here’s the scoop: These bad boys combine peptides that plump with seriously hydrating shea and capuacu butters — all while priming your lips for lipstick — which is everything you could ever want in a product. Adding a pop of pigment is just the icing on the already-delicious cake.
Whether your heart beats for pale beiges or deep brown nudes the options (which are also available in matte, glossy, or metallic finishes) for you. For $24, we're considering it a steal — especially in comparison to lip injections. And the best part: You can scoop 'em up now on the GlamGlow website. Consider us sufficiently wooed.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Update: This post was originally published on December 27, 2016.
Wedding dress codes can make us freak out. Beach chic? Upscale country? Semi-formal? Instead of taking a risk and wearing something fun and interesting, we usually find ourselves defaulting to a lackluster, safe dress. The fear that we'll stand out in all the wrong ways (read: underdressed, overdressed, or too on-theme) is just not worthwhile on another person's big day.
But just because it's someone else's wedding doesn't mean you shouldn't feel your best. The sweet spot is an outfit that's interesting and in the safe zone. And one of the easiest ways to zhuzh up a wedding look is by forgoing dresses altogether. Instead, bring pants and skirts into the mix. Even if you're headed to a black-tie event, a cool suit or formal midi and top will up the ante in an appropriate way. Ahead, five wedding-ready outfits that don't involve a single dress. Here's to switching things up a bit.
The Dress Over Pants
We've mastered dresses over pants when it comes to casual looks. We know that our jeans have the power to make all our dresses look that much better. But, pants under dresses are a great way to mix it up when it comes to formal events, too. Try a dress with an asymmetric hemline, or one that's a little too short to wear to a wedding on its own. You'll show off just enough of the pants, and get the right amount of coverage.
Zara Sateen Dress, $99.90, available at Zara; Roh Seoul Aline Clutch Black, $168, available at W Concept; Pink Tartan High Waist Pants, $325, available at IfChic; Anissa Kermiche Menage A Trois White Pearl Chain Earring, $1,266.94, available at Anissa Kermiche; Dries van Noten Sculpted-Heel Suede Ankle-Tie Pumps, $890, available at Barneys New York (shop similar here).
The Matching Set
If you're not about wearing a suit because, let's be honest, not all of us feel super-comfortable in one, try a matching set. You'll get the same feel, while being slightly less polished. This silvery set is sleek, can feel fancy when paired with the right accessories, and is the perfect palette for mixing metals.
Le Fou by Wilfred Monique Pant, $185, available at Aritzia; Le Fou by Wilfred Sirene Blouse, $165, available at Aritzia; Stella McCartney Ball Leopard Faux-Fur Classic Clutch, $2,464, available at Matchesfashion; Charlotte Chesnais Large Galilea Earrings, $735, available at Moda Operandi; Jimmy Choo Mari Ankle-Tie Pump Bordeaux, $895, available at Neiman Marcus.
The Skirt
Yes, you can wear skirts to formal affairs, too. The best way to pick a skirt is to envision a dress you would wear to the wedding, and channel only the bottom half. Sounds simple, but it works. Another easy rule of thumb is that so long as your skirt is midi or longer, chances are you're good to go. Try pairing it with a formal, dimensional top, like this strapless number.
Justine Clenquet Chloë Choker Gold, $127.50, available at Trouva; Tibi Satin Poplin Wrap Bustier, $118, available at N-Duo-Concept; Maison Margiela Court Paneled Glossed-leather and PVC Pumps, $663.25, available at The Outnet; Front Row Shop Vintage Brown Faux Fur Coat, $125, available at Front Row Shop; Stella McCartney Carmen Metallic-Paneled Pleated Crepe Maxi Skirt, $1,695, available at Net-A-Porter.
The Jumpsuit
When done right, a jumpsuit is the ultimate dress substitute. To start, go for a black option; it's more interesting than your run-of-the-mill LBD. This version is upscale, but simple. Plus, you'll be able to wear it again and again, since you can dress it up or down, and make it feel different depending on accessories.
Topshop Frill Strappy Jumpsuit, $125, available at Topshop; Opening Ceremony Crystal Nev Zip Clutch, $350, available at Opening Ceremony; Common Muse Greta Chain Earrings, $42, available at Common Muse; Christian Louboutin Riverina 55 Leather-Trimmed Embroidered Mesh Pumps, $825, available at Net-A-Porte r; Tibi Bonded Houndstooth Coat, $1,250, available at Tibi.
The Suit
A suit is one of the easiest ways to look dressed up, put-together, and dress code-appropriate without even thinking about it. Seriously, with this throw-on-and-go look, getting dressed takes almost no time, especially because your shoes barely show (we recommend a pair with a low heel). For a more formal event, forgo a shirt altogether, and show a little skin with a chic bra or bralette.
Zara Velvet Trousers, $99.90, available at Zara; Zara Velvet Jacket With Belt, $169, available at Zara; Victoria's Secret Longline Bralette, $10, available at Victoria's Secret; Gucci Leather Pump, $850, available at Gucci; Otaat / Myers Ring Pouch Medium, $160, available at Lisa Says Gah.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The Ronettes had it all wrong. The best part of breaking up is not the making up. That rarely happens, and when it does, it often leads to more breaking up.
No, the real pleasure in having your soul shredded by another human being comes in the days, weeks, months, or maybe even years of wallowing that follow. It’s a chance to wear pajama bottoms past noon and indulge in some serious self-reflection — the type that makes you a stronger, better person. This journey into the self can be scary, but luckily, generations of musicians have written songs to soundtrack the plunge.
What follows are the saddest (and therefore finest) breakup songs of all time. On this list you’ll find no TSwizz “We’re Never Ever Getting Back Together" (too empowering) or Alanis Morissette “You Oughta Know” (too angry). These songs are plain and simple, rip-your-heart-out sad. Play ‘em just loud enough to drown out the sobbing.
"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room," John Mayer
John Mayer seems to specialize in the moony love song, the moony crush song, and, of course, the moony breakup song. There's just something about that slow croon that scream melancholy romance. "Slow Dancing In A Burning Room" speaks to the final stages of a relationship — when you're fully aware that this relationship ain't headed anywhere good.
"This is the deep and dyin' breath of/This love we've been workin' on," Mayer sings. In essence, the song is a eulogy for love lost, but it's actually not all that plaintive. This is the breakup song that resolves the relationship turmoil, and it's best for listening when you're coming to terms with that newly single life.
"Still Hurting," The Last Five Years (music and lyrics by Jason Robert Brown)
The opening number of this duolinear musical is as heartbreaking as it is disorienting. When seen in performance — or in the 2015 film with Anna Kendrick — the song sounds out of place. What's that? A melancholy opening number? But it's the perfect overture for a show that's ostensibly only about a breakup. Kathy, the show's protagonist, tells the story of her five-year relationship backwards, which means she begins at the end.
"Jamie is over and Jamie is gone," she sings. (Jamie is her former lover, who tells his side of the story in chronological order.) "Jamie's decided it's time to move on. Jamie has new dreams he's building upon."
And then, the refrain that will become your breakup mantra: "And I'm still hurting."
Photo: Grand Peaks Entertainment.
"Gives You Hell" All-American Rejects
The pop-punk hit from 2008 is post-breakup bitching at its best. The refrain — "Hope it gives you hell" — summarizes our most juvenile sentiments toward an ex. It's fun, angsty, and a great song to shout at your ex as they're driving away in their getaway car or whatever.
"Truth be told, I miss you," the All-American Rejects sing. But it's a fake out! They continue, "And truth be told, I'm lyin'!"
The song is one giant, delicious middle finger to exes everywhere, and it's oh-so-satisfying.
Photo: Courtesy of DGC - Interscope.
"Sober," Childish Gambino
Gambino (Donald Glover) has always been a melancholy sort, crooning about the trials of the music industry and the perils of existence. "Sober" features CG's plaintive falsetto singing about the need to be inebriated after a breakup.
He sings throughout the track, "And now that it's over, I'll never be sober."
Yup, sounds about right.
"Seven Days Of Lonely," I-Nine
The popular pop-rock song from the mid-aughts is quintessential shower singing. This is angsty lady pop at its best — call it a guilty pleasure if you want. Directed at a past lover, the lyrics are just plain tacky. (Which is exactly what we want post-breakup.)
Lead singer Carmen Keigans sings , "Tell me how I'm gonna make it, you're the one I can't forget/It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends." Feel free to actually run in slow motion when you hear this part.
And then she puts it plainly: "God, I wish you could hold me through the seven days of lonely."
"Cranes In The Sky," Solange Knowles
From her third album A Seat At The Table, "Cranes" is about the desperate need to please, especially in the face of abject failure. Sound familiar? The title refers to man-made metal cranes used in construction. The lyrics read as a catalogue of various attempts at healing. Like a metal crane, the singer wants to construct a way of remaining 'above' the world's maladies.
"I ran my credit card up," Knowles sings. "Thought a new dress would make it better." On a macro scale, the song is about pain in general — not just romance-induced ills — but the melancholy tone is the perfect complement for breakup blues.
"If I Ain't Got You," Alicia Keys
Alicia Keys was onto something with this track, from her (arguably) greatest album, The Diary of Alicia Keys. The R&B singer was soulful and subtle on this album, and this song's simplicity made it a standout. Also: it was just really fun to sing (albeit offkey).
"Hand me the world on a silver platter, and what good would it be?" she asked. "Someone people want it all / But I don't want nothing at all / If it ain't you baby."
"Gravity Don't Pull Me," Rostam
You know when the breakup is messy and sad and entirely your fault? Former Vampire Weekend bandmate Rosstam Batmanglij goes solo on this sad breakup track.
"And the worst things I ever did / was to this same boy I couldn't help it," he sings. "I messed things up / And it broke my heart."
"Don't Give Up On Me," Solomon Burke
The singer famous for "Cry To Me" — you probably know it from Dirty Dancing — makes a true break up song. Soul singer Solomon Burke won a Grammy for the album, which borrows its title from this song.
"Hang in there baby, sooner or later," Burke asks plainly. "I know I'll get it right."
"Missing," The XX
The XX are really great at making songs about relationships. Not the breakup anthems or the Lemonade-style dizzying divorce solos — XX's songs are about the nuances of every stage of a romance, even when it's stalled.
"My heart is beating / In a different way," they sing. "Been gone such a long time / I don't feel the same."
"Echoes of Silence," The Weeknd
Before the lights and glamour of OVOXO, The Weeknd released Trilogy, an album of his mixtape songs that were floating around the internet. "Echoes of Silence" is one of the weepier tunes: Abel is asking his lover why she insists on hurting them both.
"It's gonna end how you expected girl you're such a masochist and I ask why," Weeknd asks. But the woman is as emotionally ravaged as he is: "And you reply... / I like the thrill / Nothing's gonna make me feel this real." Ouch.
"These Arms Of Mine," Otis Redding
No one does break up songs better than Otis Redding. "These Arms Of Mine" isn't particularly weepy, but you can hear the longing in Redding's deep voice. "These arms of mine, they are yearning / Yearning from wanting you / And if you would let them hold you / Oh, how grateful I will be," the master of soul sings.
The lyrics are simple — Redding wishes his lover was back in his arms — but the way his voice ascends and drops is deeply moving.
"Take A Fall For Me," James Blake Feat. RZA
James Blake and RZA play with the push-pull of a relationship that's soured because of a struggle to commit. The song's plot is simple enough: Blake/RZA are men who loved sleeping with a woman that wants more. When she decides to take another man's proposal, their world shatters.
"What will become of me / If I can’t show my love to thee? / What will become of me?" RZA questions, his voice full of regret.
Photo: Courtesy of Republic Records.
"I Care," Beyoncé
Beyoncé cares, y'all: "I told you how you hurt me, baby / But you don't care / Now I'm crying and deserted, baby / But you don't care."
Bey's vocals are piercing, and they should be. It hurts to be the only one putting in effort, caring about whether or not a relationship can be sustained. Once again, Beyoncé says it better than anyone else ever could.
Photo: Courtesy of Parkwood.
"Not Gon' Cry,"Mary J. Blige
In Waiting To Exhale, this song plays when Angela Bassett is deserted by her cheating husband. It might be the greatest break up song ever — the tempo feels like a desperate whine. MJB always delivers.
Photo: Courtesy of Arista.
“Doing It Wrong,” Drake“
We live in a generation of not being love / And not being together,” says the prophet Aubrey Drake Graham on this track. We’ve seen weepy Drake, lit Drake, Big Rings Drake. But this is the rapper’s magnum opus of sad breakup songs. Are you crying? We are.
Drake and his lover can’t seem to break up properly. They’re too invested, too intimate. It’s hard to stop needing someone, Drake explains. But he needs someone different.
Photo: Courtesy of Young Money Entertainment.
"Phantom Other," Phantom Other
Grizzly Bear co-lead singer Daniel Rossen supposedly wrote this song in a moment of frustration with his co-lead Ed Droste. You can feel the irritation in the deliberately slow pacing: "What would it take," he repeats and over and over again, "to make you listen?"
Rossen and Droste never broke up — the bandmates still friendly — but the sentiment of being at your wits' end in how to deal with someone who can't feel your pain is real.
Photo: Courtesy of 4AD.
“Marvins Room,” Drake
Aubrey has a lot of emotions, and “Marvins Room” is when they’re the most raw. This is sad, regretful Drake: He’s addicted to thinking about the women that have abandoned him, and wants to tease them (and himself) with a drunken phone call. He’s made it big time, and wants to show off his success.
But what does he have to show for his fame? What has being “25 sitting on $25 mil” brought? Late nights and loneliness. His ex has moved on with someone else, and he’s trapped in her memory. “I’m just saying you could do better,” he sings.
Photo: Courtesy of Young Money Entertainment.
"First Song for B," Devendra Banhart
It's hard to listen to this song without feeling an little bit of an ache. Devendra is in newly in love, and emboldened by it. "I wanna see you be the one who’s first light harbors in the new day / And see you settle into yourself," he sings quietly. "And never be afraid."
But love comes with the inevitable risk of disappointment and distress: "Please destroy me," he begs.
“Summertime,” Vince Staples
“Summertime” begins and ends with a hook that echoes: “This could be forever, baby,” Vince says. His voice isn’t tender, but sad — the relationship he’s talking about could never be forever. He’s asking a girl to stay with him beyond summer, but knows that she won’t.
Summertime ‘06 really is about that summer, and the crossroads it presented in the rapper’s life. In the album’s 20+ songs he zigs and zags between playful and precious. Summertime speaks to the latter: It’s love that keeps him home, but it’s the same love that’s tearing him apart.
“My feelings told me love is real / But feelings known to get you killed / I feel as if I'm misconstrued / I spend my moments missin' you,” he says.
Photo: Courtesy of Def Jam.
“White Ferrari,” Frank Ocean
So Frank finally dropped the album. Blonde is marvellous, and White Ferrari is a sad-song highlight. Something about Frank Ocean’s voice feels intimate and close as he talks about a former love, before the song builds into layers and layers of songs and emotion.
Once Frank and his former lover could communicate without even speaking; now he only has his imagination of what they could have been. “I care for you still and I will forever / That was my part of the deal, honest / We got so familiar,” he sings.
Photo: Courtesy of Boys Don't Cry.
“How Can You Mend A Broken Heart,” Al Green
Is there a song more suited to a particularly steamy, sad night? Is there a song more perfect for a bottle of whiskey and a long scroll through an ex’s engagement album? Al Green’s voice has that soft '70s vibe, and the violins whine and whimper. Here's your late night breakup song.
“How can you mend this broken man? How can a loser ever win?” Green asks, his voice sadly soulful. Somebody please help me mend my broken heart / And let me live again.”
Photo: Courtesy of Motown/Universal Records.
"White," Frank Ocean & Odd Future
While we wait for Boys Don't Cry — whatever it is and whenever it arrives — this Frank Ocean deep cut is worth a revisit. Ocean sings a capella here, thinking out loud about love, heaven, and his fear of being swallowed into his own darkness.
"Could this be Earth? Could this be light?" Ocean asks. "Does this mean everything is going to be alright?" He's brought into the bounty of the afterlife's warmth and light, but still considers a former love. "But I'll forget 23 like I forgot 17," he says. "And I forget my first love, like you forget a daydream."
Photo: Courtesy of Odd Future Records.
"A Message," Kelela
Kelela's voice sounds like something that drifted in from another planet. This song opens her EP Hallucinogen, and it sets the tone for the emotional, moody release.
On this track, Kelela sees everything with newfound clarity. She's speaking to an ex-lover, revealing their relationship's hardest truth: she has never satisfied him. A clean break is required. "You don't even see me," she sings, asking, "Are you even breathing?"
Photo: Courtesy of Warp.
“Like You’ll Never See Me Again,” Alicia Keys
By now we know that Alicia Keys is not — despite her efforts to the contrary — a soprano. But she had us fooled (and weeping) with "Like You’ll Never See Me Again." She became an exciting artist to behold with this track, and its delicate R & B melody hasn’t aged. “On the dreamy lullaby ‘Like You’ll Never See Me Again,’ [Keys] ponders whether she’ll be appreciated after a lover stops calling her name,” wrote Rodney Dugue for Spin. A bonus: The song’s music video is equally heart-wrenching, even though it can never be forgiven for insinuating that it’s possible for Common to die.
Photo: Courtesy of J Records.
“Caretaker,” D.R.A.M. feat. SZA
D.R.A.M. revisits a highlight of Donnie Trumpet and the Social Experiment's Surf, this time adding the perspective of SZA. The song is about two people who aren’t together anymore but still care deeply about one another: “I’ll take care of you, I will / Even if I got a man now,” SZA sings. These are friends from day one unable to untangle their lives: “I’ma be there, ‘cause I wasn’t there.”
Photo: Courtesy of W.A.V.E. Recordings.
“Gimme All Your Love,” Alabama Shakes
Alabama Shakes is a good band, but it’s Brittany Howard’s voice that is central to making this song work. Her request — not just “love me,” but “give me all the love you have” — starts out as a whisper and grows into a growl. Maybe she’s singing about a punch-drunk love on its last legs, or a spark that’s dimmed.
Songs don’t have to be weepy and quiet to be sad. The great guitar riff around the track’s three-minute mark is like the push-pull of a toxic romance, a back-and-forth that continues (probably) despite a lover’s better judgment.
Photo: Courtesy of ATO Records.
"Bad Religion," Frank Ocean
Obligatory friendly reminder that we, the people, are still waiting for Frank’s next album. (Cc: Frank Ocean, Bcc: Odd Future)
Could “Bad Religion” be the best track on an album that’s nearly perfect? No matter the answer, everything about this song is pitch-perfect on late-night desperation and loneliness. “I can never make him love me,” Ocean repeats. To recover from an unrequited love so barren, he might have to beg for a blessing from any god he can find.
Photo: Courtesy of Def Jam Recordings.
“Plastic Bag,” Drake & Future
“If anybody know, I know,” Drake mumbles at the song’s opening. We’re listening to What a Time to Be Alive Drake, the 6ix God himself, Drake punctuated by Future. This isn't the open-wound Drake of albums past. On a record that manages to mimic a bit of the zeal and excess of Watch the Throne, “Plastic Bag” is a moment of real tenderness and sincerity.
Drake has a documented history of knowing and liking strippers. But this song isn’t about poles or thongs, it’s his way of sweetly appreciating the labor of these dancers, while also somberly observing the warped morality of his lavish lifestyle. Every syllable is weighed down by his guilt.
Photo: Courtesy of OVO Sound.
“The Greatest,” Cat Power
Cat Power’s bluesy voice drugs listeners into an easy melancholy. The musician (whose real name is Chan Marshall) expertly walks the line of beautiful but tortured. “Once I wanted to be the greatest,” she murmurs. “No wind or waterfall could stall me / And then came the rush of the flood / Stars at night turned deep to dust.” This song is about her complicated relationship with fame, but the soft rat-tat-tat of the drums makes it a great track for a cloudy-day cry.
Photo: Courtesy of Matador Records.
“Foreground,” Grizzly Bear
Grizzly Bear is deceptively simple. Upon the release of 2009’s Veckatimest, Pitchfork called “Foreground” masterful and muted. The song is anchored by a piano melody as it winds and twists its way into your wounds.
“Take all evening, I’ll just be cleaning,” frontman Edward Droste suggests. Take an evening to cry with this song. It’s the perfect background music to heal your woes head-on.
Photo: Courtesy of Warp.
“End of the Road,” Boyz II Men
The secret to life is that this is the greatest song ever written. The way it slowly builds from a regular '90s ballad into a hymn of loneliness and sadness is mythic in that uniquely New Jack Swing way. It’s a deeply affecting breakup song but with a kind of the groupthink of wounded machismo: “Why do you play with my heart, why do you play with my mind,” the quartet croons.
Photo: Courtesy of Motown Records.
“You Always Hurt The Ones You Love,” Ryan Gosling
Remember Blue Valentine? Remember how it made you weep? Remember how the movie’s trailer still sometimes does? This soft Ryan Gosling melody is a major reason why.
The Mills Brothers made this song popular decades ago, but Gosling’s character isn’t a singer, so his voice cracks and stumbles over the lyrics. His uneven, tuneless sound is perfect. It’s slow and sad, and the movie’s ending raises its profile as a song ideal for a good weekend cry.
Photo: Courtesy of Lakeshore Records.
“I’d Rather Go Blind,” Beyoncé
It goes without saying that this is an Etta James song — it’s always been an Etta James song. But Yoncé's cover for the 2008 drama Cadillac Records is spectacularly heartbreaking. And it might even be better.
The premise is simple enough: “I’d rather be blind, boy,” Bey sings, “than to see you walk away from me.” Her voice rises to match the song’s crescendo, and the effect is staggering. With this cover, Bey will have you missing your first relationship, your last relationship, and maybe even the train home.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony Legacy.
“Higher,” Rihanna
So, this isn’t technically a song about “breaking up.” But it’s still a song about missing someone, trying to move on, and feeling caught in the clutches of a relationship that has soured. In an interview with Vogue, RiRi herself compared it to a drunk voice mail: “You know he’s wrong, and then you get drunk and you’re like, ‘I could forgive him. I could call him. I could make up with him.’ Just, desperate.”
An added bonus: The song just sounds beautiful. “[ Anti] is an intimate process, and Rihanna lets us see the fingerprints, the sweat stains, the fine lines,” wrote Jenna Wortham for The New York Times Magazine. “Her voice cracks as she sings ‘I hope I ain’t calling you too late’ over whining violins on ‘Higher,’ wobbling in a decidedly unpolished way. Seeing those seams is its own kind of beautiful, and a rarity in a pop world that tends toward polish and perfection.”
Photo: Courtesy of Roc Nation.
“Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want,” The Smiths
For breakups, bad days, and rainy afternoons, there are few groups more perfect than The Smiths. “Please, Please, Please” is gloomy, brooding, and oddly charming all at once. “See the luck I’ve had can make a good man bad,” Morrissey sings.
So what if 500 Days of Summer kind of made The Smiths cool for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl crowd? The song is just so easy to weep to.
Photo: Courtesy of Rough Trade Records.
“Dreams,” Kelsey Lu
Kelsey Lu’s voice reverberates with a bewitching frequency as she sings about loving a boy that’s bad for her. Lu’s voice drags into a guttural moan that’s deeply moving. “I’m out drinking every night, hoping I’ll run into you,” she sings. “I know you’re no good, but I can’t get enough of you.”
Lu is a new artist and an accomplished cello player. At 18, she ran away to music school and has been growing into an artist to watch since. “Lu gently builds from distant, piercing intensity to something heavy and mournful,” wrote Laura Snapes from Pitchfork.
Photo: Courtesy of Emmanuel Olunkwa.
“Time Flies,” Lykke Li
Lykke Li is weak and tired. Relationships are taxing, and breakups come with not only an emotional exhaustion, but a physical one too. The way her voice is barely a whisper, the way it fades in and out — her physical tiredness is palpable.
“I get weak, I miss sleep, I get moody,” the Swedish indie-pop singer croons. The song is called “Time Flies,” but it’s the perfect sad song because it shows exactly how time can drag.
Photo: Courtesy of LL Recordings.
“Samson,” Regina Spektor
Okay, so you used this song to get over your high school crush. And then you used it to get over your high school boyfriend. And then you used it just on long drives home in college. But this track is one of Regina Spektor’s greatest and most heartbreaking works of art.
The striking imagery — cutting a lover’s hair with blunt scissors, kissing in the morning light — is still there, and still just as moving. But Spektor also gets at a moving truth most sad love songs don’t talk about: “The history books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us, not even once.”
Photo: Courtesy of Sire Records.
“Sandcastles,” Beyoncé
Sometimes, losing love leads to more than just a breakup, it becomes a full-fledged crisis of faith. Lemonade isn't a "breakup album," but an album about the deepest recesses of loss: losing love, losing sanity, losing yourself as a relationship crumbles.
This track is a turning point on the album — it suggests the possibility of forgiveness — but you’re still left with these crippling lines: “Bitch, I scratched out your name and your face / What is it about you that I can't erase, baby?” She’s not just talking about "Becky with the good hair." This is a much more intimate loss.
Photo: Courtesy Parkwood/Columbia.
“Lover’s Spit,” Feist
This stripped-down version of the Broken Social Scene track bares all about unromantic sex and loveless physicality. Feist’s patchy vocals add to the song’s sad simplicity about lost connection: We’re all too busy smooching and swiping right to really engage with one another. “You know it's time that we grow old and do some shit.” You won’t be crying over one breakup with this song; it preys on nostalgia for youthful romances and flirtatious flings, too.
Photo: Courtesy of Arts & Crafts.
“Ne Me Quitte Pas,” Nina Simone
For starters, the title is French for “Don’t Leave Me.” But you don’t have to understand another language to feel the deep unrest in Simone’s soul on this song. Simone — a truly distinct and talented vocalist (and concert pianist) — mourns her love, offering him rain and earth and everything in between. She’ll hide herself in his shadow after being rejected. “I will dig the earth / Until after my death / To cover your body / With gold and light.” Maybe don’t look up the French translation. Simone’s voice is enough to echo through your heart’s caverns.
Photo: Courtesy of Metro.
“I’m Goin’ Down,” Mary J. Blige
Mary J. Blige was in her 20s when she covered a less popular Rose Royce song from the 1970s for her 1994 My Life album. MJB croons about when sleep isn’t easy and everything is going wrong. Her tearful apology is the saddest song to come of the canon of heartbreaking '90s R & B tracks.
Photo: Uptown/MCA Records.
"Skinny Love," Bon Iver
Bon Iver, a.k.a. Justin Vernon, once told Pitchfork that "Skinny Love" is about when "you're in a relationship because you need help, but that's not necessarily why you should be in a relationship." That anguish fills every note of this plaintive song. By the time Vernon wails, "And now all your love is wasted/ And then who the hell was I?" You'll want to cry out along with him. Also, if Vernon's notoriously bad enunciation means you can't really understand what he's saying, there's always the beautiful Birdy cover.
Photo:
"Shiver," Lucy Rose
We first got wind of Rose's sweetly melancholy tune when it was employed during the Adam-Hannah split in season 4 of Girls. Since then, it's been a go-to for when we're feeling weepy. Rose doesn't place the blame on her romantic partner for the split; she admits responsibility. But even though the breakup was mutual, she remains nostalgic for the good moments. "Shiver" is the perfect song for when you know you need to move on, but just can't.
"A Case Of You," Joni Mitchell
Joni Mitchell's conversational, devastating song, describes what it's like when a relationship is over but a connection to another person remains. "You're in my blood like holy wine/ You taste so bitter and so sweet," she sings. There are plenty of songs on Blue that will do the trick if you're looking to wallow, but "A Case Of You" articulates what it's like to a lose someone who has burrowed into your soul.
Photo: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records.
“Someone Like You,” Adele
There’s a war going down inside Adele’s head. She wants her ex to be happy, and yet she finds herself wandering past his flat, hoping he’ll see her, remember the good times, and forget all about his new girl, who happens to be his wife. “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you,” she sings, though she, like Sinead, knows that nothing compares.
Photo: Courtesy of XL Recordings/Columbia.
“Love Is Stronger Than Pride,” Sade
Pride vs. love is like your JV high school basketball team vs. the 2012-13 Miami Heat. Sade knows all about the mismatch, and while she wishes she could hate this guy who's wrecked her life, the affection she feels is quick and tenacious, like the triumvirate of LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade. All she can do is run out the clock and hope to rebuild next season.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.
“I Can’t Make You Love Me,” Bonnie Raitt
Is it a breakup song if the people in question are still sharing a bed? In this all-time soul-crusher, the intimacy is purely physical, and as unfulfilling as that is, Bonnie will take it — for a little bit longer. “Morning will come and I'll do what's right / Just give me till then to give up this fight,” she sings, working up the strength to walk away. “And I will give up this fight.”
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.
“Nothing Compares 2 U,” Sinead O’Connor
If you know the exact amount of time that’s elapsed since you got dumped, you’re in deep trouble. On this Prince-penned classic, we meet Sinead “seven hours and 15 days” after her love took a hike, and she’s still reeling. She’s even been to the see the doctor. Doc's advice: Have some fun. Even in Ireland, the health-care system is whack.
Photo: Courtesy of Parlophone.
“Song Cry,” Jay-Z
Rappers have feelings, too. The thing about Jay is that he has trouble showing his, so in lieu of shedding actual tears, he aims to “make this song cry.” He does a decent job, though even as he opens his heart and apologizes to the girl he cheated on, he doesn’t quite ditch the macho posturing that might have made this tender mea culpa ring truer.
Photo: Courtesy of Roc-a-Fella Records.
“Pictures of You,” The Cure
Robert Smith has been writing intensely personal, moody songs of heartbreak pretty much since he founded The Cure in 1976. But this one is the most beautiful. Almost eight minutes long, "Pictures of You" finds Smith reflecting on memories of a person he loved, triggered by old photographs. “Remembering you falling into my arms / Crying for the death of your heart / You were stone white, so delicate, lost in the cold,” he sings. “You were always so lost in the dark.” For a Goth boy who is still married to his high school sweetheart, he sure knows how to capture the pain of lost love.
Photo: Courtesy of Elektra.
“Crying,” Roy Orbison
There’s nothing worse than bumping into your ex and having to pretend you’re not a total whimpering mess. Roy figures he pulls it off — “You couldn’t tell that I’d been crying” — and if he does, he’s a hell of an actor. In that signature opera-billy style of his, Orbison sings with a hurt not easily hidden.
Photo: Courtesy of WAX TIME.
“Caroline, No,” The Beach Boys
Originally titled “Carol, I Know,” this song became infinitely better when Brian Wilson misunderstood collaborator Tony Asher’s initial reading of the lyrics. The narrator in this song doesn’t know Jack. “Where did your long hair go?” he asks. “Where is the girl I used to know?” “Could I ever find in you again things that made me love you so much then?” If the bummed-out orch-pop backing is any indication, the answers to that last question is “Brian, no.”
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.
“You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,” The Beatles
Everyone tells John Lennon he should suppress his feelings and go about his business, but this guy’s business was expressing his feelings. They come through in a big way on this transitional Beatles cut.
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.
“Lost Cause,” Beck
Arguably the saddest song on Beck’s saddest album, this is the slow, strummy equivalent of waving a white flag. Poor Beck knows there’s nothing he can do to save this girl from herself, so he’s pulling his forces and signing whatever treaty he needs in order to escape with his sanity.
Photo: Courtesy of Interscope.
“Nothing Better,” The Postal Service
Selective memory is a the worst. The male character in this synth-pop duet figures there’d be nothing sweeter than marrying the girl who’s recently left him. Unfortunately, she’s prepared charts and graphs to remind him of why the good times weren’t that good. This is young love in the time of Excel.
Photo: Courtesy of Sub-Pop Records.
“You Left Me Standing In the Doorway,” Bob Dylan
Dylan waited until he was 56 to write one of the best lines of his career: “Don’t know if I saw you, if I would kiss you or kill you.” That, like the title, pretty much says it all, but then he goes one better: “It probably wouldn’t matter to you anyhow.” It’s a rascally line from a guy who’s wicked bummed but still pretty feisty.
Photo: Courtesy of Columbia.
“The Heart Remains A Child,” Everything But the Girl
In this song, vocalist Tracey Thorn bluntly asks a question that occurs too often during heartbreak: "Why don't you love me?" If that seems like a simplistic inquiry, well, that's sort of the point. This song perfectly expresses how we regress after heartbreak, and fall into our same, mopey patterns.
Photo: Courtesy of Virgin Records.
“Stay,” Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko
Rih clears a little path through a hoarder’s den of messy feelings on this confusing piano ballad. “Not really sure how I feel about it,” she confesses, right before her duet partner, Mikky Ekko, sings the same line. These are two people who are completely wrong for each other, and when they join their voices on the line “funny, you’re the broken one, but I’m the only one who needed saving,” it’s like they’re both dishing blame and seeking salvation at the same time.
Photo: Courtesy of ISLAND-DEF JAM.
“Again,” Janet Jackson
When Janet hears her former boo is back in town, she goes off on a soul-searching journey that begins with wishful thinking (“I’ll never fall in love with you again”) and ends with acceptance (“God knows I do love you again”). The single-word title may be a predictor of how this story ends.
Photo: Courtesy of Virgin Records.
“Almost Blue,” Elvis Costello
“There’s a girl here and she’s almost you,” Elvis sings, weary like a lounge singer playing to a roomful of 2 a.m. drunks. He’s found a new romance that leaves him a little cold — “almost blue” — and that makes for one chilly-ass torch song.
Photo: Courtesy of Hip-O Records.
“Heartless,” Kanye West
At the risk of being melodramatic, Kanye dubs this “the coldest story ever told.” It’s the tale of two former lovers — presumably Yeezy and former fiancée, Alexis Phifer — who’ve wronged each other and wound up bitter enemies. “How could you be so Dr. Evil?” he raps, too mentally spent to muster anything better than an Austin Powers joke.
Photo: Courtesy of Roc-A-Fella Records.
“You Were Meant for Me,” Jewel
If you ask Parks and Recreation protagonist Leslie Knope, there are few problems that can’t be solved by breakfast foods. Jewel might beg to differ. “I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too / I got my maple syrup, everything but you,” she sings, unwilling to accept her sugary a.m. feast as a substitute for the one that got away. Eventually, Jewel tells herself, he’ll realize they’re meant for each other. Until then, Mrs. Butterworth will have to pick up the slack.
Photo: Courtesy of Atlantic.
"The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” Weezer
Rivers Cuomo has it even worse than Robert Smith does in “Pictures of You.” On this Blue Album gem, the Weezer frontman is talking to wallet photos and losing his grip on reality. “You laughed, enchanted by my intellect,” he sings to his ex. “Or maybe you didn't.” Either way, he won’t be adding any more smiley snapshots of this girl to his plastic sheath.
Photo: Courtesy of Geffen.
“I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston
That towering, thunderous, ground-shaking “And I…” high note Whitney hits toward the end of this monster ballad makes total sense. Written by Dolly Parton, this is one of the most selfless love songs of all time, and before taking her leave of the man she knows she’s holding back, Whitney gets in one last show of dignity: an extended vowel sound people will be talking about until the end of time.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment.
“It’s Too Late,” Carole King
It’s the sense of finality that makes this 1971 chart-topper such a killer. “Something inside has died, and I can’t hide it,” King sings, a little sad, a little relieved to no longer have to carry on a charade. “And I just can’t fake it.”
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.
“Don’t Speak,” No Doubt
Success must have been bittersweet for Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal, punk-ska’s answer to Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. No Doubt’s breakthrough 1996 single (and lone No. 1) is all about their breakup — an emotional earthquake Gwen clearly hadn’t recovered from the day she cut this vocal.
Photo: Courtesy of Interscope.
“Are You Lonesome Tonight,” Elvis Presley
In the famous spoken-word part, a truly miserable-sounding Elvis looks back on a failed relationship like a theater critic reviewing a play. Act one was great. Act two: not so much. Looking ahead to the act three, Elvis is only willing to entertain one possible ending. “If you won't come back to me,” he says, “then make them bring the curtain down.”
Photo: Courtesy of RCA.
“Without You,” Mariah Carey
Talk about fresh wounds. “I can’t forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving,” sings Mariah, who’s coming to us mere hours after the breakup went down. She hasn’t had time to process things, so she’s feeling a little overdramatic. Hence that chorus: a show-stopping declaration of why life is no longer livable. In time, she’ll get over it, but for now, let her wail.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.
“Back to Black,” Amy Winehouse
The references to “puff” and “blow” give this an air of druggy self-destruction that heightens the sadness, especially in light of Amy’s untimely death. Even without those lines, though, it’s a heavy song — a smoldering James Bond theme for an everyday story about a woman plummeting into darkness as her man goes back to his former girlfriend.
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Republic.
"Take a Bow," Madonna
Taking a page out of the King's playbook, Madonna uses theater as a metaphor for her latest heartbreak. "You deserve an award for the role that you played," she tells the deceptive lover she's finally wriggled free from. "No more masquerade." Given that Madge used to be married to Sean Penn, the lesson here may be to only date crummy actors. Their lies are easier to spot.
Photo: Courtesy of Sire/London/Rhino.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of celebrity news, fun takes on pop culture, and trending stories on the Refinery29 Entertainment Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
When Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick reunited late last year, the move was far from surprising. At this point, it feels as if the two are on a schedule: a year off, a year on. Disick being back in Kourtney's life means one thing: He will appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians with much more regularity. And already, it seems, the father of three is shooting scenes with none other than Kim K., the MVP of the Kardashian crew.
Currently, Scott Disick is enjoying a "low-key" vacation with Kim K. in Dubai. For this family, the term low-key almost never applies. Unless, of course, cameras and a table set for 12 count as low-key. (As an unofficial arbiter of word meanings, I will say: It doesn't.) Disick posted a couple of photos from their stay, with the Lord's customary spin.
A photo posted by Scott Disick (@letthelordbewithyou) on
In one, Disick shared an image of aforementioned table for 12. It's replete with dainty floral arrangements and various foods. Kardashian sits at one end of the table, while her sister's beau is off in a distant land — on the other side of the table.
"Thank god for the family plan phone package or we couldn't talk over dinner," the 33-year-old wrote in the caption. Both hold phones to their ears. Another nice touch: Kim K. wears a chunky pair of sunglasses.
It's a funny scene, and Disick seems to understand the humor of the situation. Because it's the Kardashians, cameras are present, which leads me to believe the dinner setting will be a scene for Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Rejoice!
Disick's presence, as controversial as it can be on the show, is sometimes exactly what's called for. Disick can be refreshingly perceptive in a world where the glamour borders on absurd.
And, for what it's worth, I think that table seats far more than 12.
Last year, hair guru Jen Atkin introduced the beauty world to her brainchild, Ouai Haircare. Suddenly, everyone was itching for more celebrity hairstylist creations to make us feel like the 1% — without spending the big bucks like a star would. Luckily, Kristin Ess — the mastermind behind Lucy Hale’s ever-evolving hair and Lauren Conrad’s perfect braids — has come to the rescue. Yesterday, she announced with R29 exclusively that she's releasing a hair-care line that would be both affordable and high-end. And the products are just the juxtaposition we've been waiting for.
The 15-piece collection hits Target stores on January 22 (an early release on the megastore's website January 15). As for what to expect, Ess tells us her products will fill a gap in the market that reaches multiple different hair types and textures, at a price that's accessible to everyone. “It's affordable luxury," she says. The range costs between $10-$14, meaning us mere mortals can get in on that covetable Instagram hair without all the fuss — or the scary receipts.
Click ahead to get a preview of the collection, then get ready to plan your Target run. As is normally the case with the store, chances are you'll walk out with a lot more than you originally intended.
Kristin Ess The One Signature Shampoo, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess The One Signature Conditioner, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Hydrating Curl Defining Crème, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Frizz Management Cleansing Conditioner, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Style Reviving Dry Shampoo, $14 available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Weightless Shine Working Serum, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Dry Finish Working Texture Spray, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Instant Lift Thickening Spray, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Working Texture Loose Styling Powder, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Strand Strengthening Reconstructive Moisture Mask, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Soft Shine Beach Wave Spray, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Weightless Shine Leave-In Conditioner, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Depth Defining Water-Based Pomade, $10, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Instant Lift Volumizing Mousse, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Kristin Ess Refine Signature Finishing Spray, $14, available on January 15 at Target.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of beauty tips, tutorials, and news on the Refinery29 Beauty Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
"My coworker and I were splitting a pitcher of margaritas and some guac at a rooftop bar, and a guy at the table next to us accidentally elbowed me in the head — or so I thought — and then, very jovially, said he’d buy us a round of shots to make up for it," Kristina King, a 24-year-old living in New York, recounts of the night she was unexpectedly roofied. "He came back a few minutes later and set a shot down in front of each of us."
Just minutes after taking the shot, King blacked out and can’t remember anything that followed. Her coworker told her she was "acting drunk" but not unreasonable, and told her that after they said goodbye, King took a cab home.
"My next memory is waking up in the hospital, covered in vomit, with an IV in and no recollection of how I got there," King says. She walked home at 4 a.m. with a broken phone and no memory of how the night went.
It's possible that King was non-consensually drugged using Rohypnol, a common date rape drug traditionally known as a "roofie." It's illegal in the United States, but that doesn’t mean it’s difficult to come by, especially since it's relatively cheap — it's reportedly sold for less than $5 a tablet. (Though nonconsensual drugging isn't always via roofies — other drugs, like Ketamine ("Special K") and GHB ("Liquid Ecstasy"), are also common.)
When ingested, Rohypnol causes sleepiness and amnesia, which is why people may wake up and not remember what happened, Rana Biary, MD, explains. "It functions very similar to Xanax or Ativan," she says. All of these drugs are benzodiazepines, sometimes called benzos, which essentially function as sedatives.
We asked a few experts about what people should know about Rohypnol — and what to do in the event that you or someone you know gets roofied. To be totally clear: If someone drugs you, it is absolutely not your fault in any way, and there's no foolproof way to ensure that it never happens. But it's also true that there are a few smart strategies that may reduce your risk. It's shitty that we have to keep these things in mind, but that's the world we're living in. Ideally, rape would be prevented by people not drugging and raping other people.
How to reduce the risk
Get your drink yourself.
To prevent anyone from slipping anything in your drink, make sure that you order your drinks yourself and actually watch them being made, Dr. Biary says. If someone offers to get you a drink, insist on watching the drink as it's being poured.
"That may seem rude, but if this person cares about you, they’ll understand," Dr. Biary says.
Photo: Sunny Shokrae
How to reduce the risk
Look at your drink before taking your first sip.
Notice if your drink looks different than usual, and don't drink it if you have any concerns. Rohypnol tablets will often dye a drink blue, and Dr. Biary warns that some people may add a roofie to a colored cocktail so other people won’t notice the blue color. But keep in mind that generic versions of the drug may not have the blue dye on their capsules, so if you’re suspicious about a clear drink, don’t drink it.
Photo: Eric Helgas
How to reduce the risk
Adhere to a buddy system.
If you're at a bar with friends, agree to make sure you each get home safely, and keep tabs on each other throughout the night. And don't forget the importance of the buddy system when going on blind dates.
"Especially if you’re going on a Tinder date or a date with someone you don’t know, have a buddy who knows where you are," Dr. Biary recommends.
You can even arrange to text a friend intermittently throughout the night, so they know you are okay and they’re on-call if you need any help.
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet
How to reduce the risk
Help keep an eye out for others.
Pamela Donovan, PhD, and author of Drink Spiking and Predatory Drugging: A Modern History says that bystanders can be very important in spotting roofies. She recounts a case in which three women in a bar caught a man putting a liquid in his date’s drink and told the bartender, thus foiling his crime. In this instance, the victim told police that the assailant was her best friend.
"That’s why she trusted him alone with her drink," Dr. Donovan says. "But the other patrons saw it, said something, and a crime was interrupted.”
Look out for yourself, your friends, and other women whenever possible.
Photo: Winnie Au
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Know that Rohypnol kicks in fast.
If someone did slip something in a drink, the effects will be noticeable within half an hour. "It depends on how much you’ve eaten, and if you’ve had alcohol earlier, the effects could be faster," Dr. Biary says. It also depends on how large the dose of Rohypnol was.
Photo: Sunny Shokrae
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Go to the emergency room for immediate attention.
If you need to call 911 for yourself or a friend, do so. Dr. Biary says that the combination of Rohypnol and alcohol can affect breathing, and with any breathing concerns, you should call 911.
"The emergency room is a safe place," Dr. Biary says. "Don’t hesitate to come and get help. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed." In addition to medical care, emergency rooms are staffed with social workers and police officers you can talk to.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recommends that you don't urinate, douche, bathe, brush your teeth, wash your hands, change clothes, or eat or drink before you go to the ER, since these things can help doctors find evidence if you've been sexually assaulted. If you want to be tested for Rohypnol, it can be detected in urine for up to 72 hours.
Photo: Rockie Nolan
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Never leave your friend alone, even to ask for help.
"If your friend is complaining about feeling sleepy at a bar, don’t leave them by themselves," Dr. Biary says. Opportunistic predators may use this time time to get the intoxicated victim alone. Whether or not the person who roofied your friend is still around, it's crucial that you keep your friend by your side at all times.
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Trust your instincts.
"People should seek help based on their symptoms and experiences, not on trying to guess whether alcohol or drugging is the problem," Dr. Donovan says. "If something does not seem right, get out of the situation, using an excuse if necessary."
Dr. Donovan warns people not to be reluctant to seek medical help, especially if you feel out of control or unable to use general motor skills or stay conscious.
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Know that Rohypnol doesn't have lasting negative medical effects.
Once the drug wears off, the person who ingested it shouldn’t have any medical after effects. That said, roofies are considered date rape drugs for a reason, and sexual assault is a huge concern when someone's been roofied, whether or not they remember what happened.
"The effects of the drug will be gone in a day or two, but the biggest concern is what happens to you," Dr. Biary says.
Additionally, a survivor could have been exposed to STIs. If you or a friend wakes up not remembering what happened, the best course of action is to seek medical help.
If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Photo: Jessica Nash
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Recognize that being roofied is not the drugged person's fault.
"Women always feel guilty," Dr. Biary says, adding that an essential part of the recovery process is "recognizing that this is not your fault, that you are a victim and you did nothing wrong."
Dr. Donovan also points out that not remembering the incident can have negative mental effects on people who've been roofied.
"They may blame themselves, which is very common among sexual assault [survivors]," she says. "One of the most psychologically searing and lingering traumas is not knowing exactly what happened."
Photo: Winnie Au
What to do if you think someone's been roofied
Seek out mental health help, if needed.
Clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PhD, of Seasons Recovery Centers says that the most common effects of being roofied include self-blame, shame, powerlessness, lack of trust, as well as potential lingering depression and anxiety. So it's crucial that people reach out for professional help if they're struggling after being roofied.
To support a friend who has been roofied, Dr. Irwin says that you can’t be your friend’s therapist, but you can help them find a support group or therapist and be "compassionate and supportive of the process." And if cost is an issue, there are plenty of free services out there for people in need of support.
If you are experiencing anxiety and are in need of crisis support, please call the Crisis Call Center ’s 24-hour hotline at 1-775-784-8090.
If you are experiencing depression and need support, please call the National Depressive/Manic-Depressive Association Hotline at 1-800-826-3632 or the Crisis Call Center ’s 24-hour hotline at 1-775-784-8090.
Photo: Rockie Nolan
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The 26-year-old singer openly talks about his sex life in his new cover story for GQ. (His cheerier contemporary, Chance The Rapper, appears on the other set of covers for the February issue.) The mysterious singer with the previously good hair tells the magazine that he knows he is never the "sexiest man in the room," but he's okay with it.
"Look at me, this is who I am," the Canadian crooner says to the interviewer in a music studio, where their conversation takes place. "I’m not gonna walk into the club and be like, ‘Oh shit, I’m the sexiest guy in here.’ The reason why they [women] want to fuck with me is because of what I do [in the studio]. So I’d rather just focus on doing that." This here is a man who is very confident in his lyrical sexual prowess.
Later, he's asked again about how many of his lyrics are based on real life sexual encounters. "Yeah, a lot of it is experience," he confirms. "'House of Balloons ' is based off of a one-bedroom apartment I shared with all my friends. And we did what we were doing and then put it into music." (Take a listen to the song and you'll get an earful of, erm, intimate lyrics.)
As far as marriage, though, he's still not convinced, yet. "I’m the kind of guy that would have kids before getting married," he says. "The first thing would be kids. Marriage is scary to me, man."
One can't but help to wonder what his recent ex, 20-year-old model Bella Hadid, thinks of the revealing interview.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
As much as we love when celebrities turn the tarmac into a bona fide catwalk, we get equally excited when they keep it real with their travel getups. And by that, we mean when they dress like those of us sitting all the way back in 42D. We're talking about throwing on one's finest comfy clothes to shuffle through the TSA line, which usually looks like a pair of leggings and casual footwear, like, say, Uggs or a good sneaker. So, thank you, Margot Robbie, for choosing an airport look that makes us proud to don our go-to travel outfit.
Or does it? Robbie looks great, especially with the extra styling efforts up top. But after this, and several other celebrity endorsements of rocking only the most comfortable and casual of garb while in flight, why do we still hate on everyday women who wear the exact same thing when they travel? Especially since we copy just about every trend celebrities rock. Think about it: chokers, mom jeans, corsets and T-shirts, knee-high boots, et al. If celebs can wear (and, inevitably, get praised for) outfits that put comfort first while jetsetting, we should feel okay going the slightly schlubbier route with our on-the-go looks.
But back to Robbie. If you'd like to cop this outfit, forget the paparazzi and look no further than the early-aughts staples already residing in your own closet. All it takes is your favorite pair of black leggings, the Ugg Classic Short Boot (which'll run you $160), and pretty much anything else that's cozy. We suggest a coverall type bomber, or a throw-on-and-go jacket like Robbie's that can double as a head rest or in-cabin blanket. Because, first class or not, we all know how cold airplanes can be. Go on, let your Ugg flag fly!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
It's 2017, and girl bands are back. (Or, as we like to call them, incredibly talented groups of women musicians.)
And we have three of the most kick-ass young artists of our day to thank.
Lorde, Charli XCX, and Carly Rae Jepsen met up last month at an Ally Coalition benefit show in New York, where they performed to help raise money to support the young LGBTQ community. They snapped a picture backstage, and that photo started circulating on Twitter this month after it was shared by a Charli XCX fan news account. Things took off from there.
Lorde reacted to the photo, asking the other two ladies, "can we form a hot girl band one day?" Jepsen simply replied, "Hell yes." Then an enthusiastic Charli chimed in, "WE ARE A HOT GIRL BAND!!! promise me no ones gonna go solo????"
While we're not totally sure just how serious the women are, we're crossing our fingers that they mean what they said. At the very least, I don't think it's outrageous to expect to see an onstage collaboration in the near future. Both Lorde and Charli are set to perform at New York's Governors Ball in June — and we can't imagine why Carly wouldn't swing by to get this whole girl band thing rolling.
@lorde@carlyraejepsen WE ARE A HOT GIRL BAND!!! promise me no ones gonna go solo????
Every time we start to lose hope for humanity, Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik's social media pages remind us there is good in the world. From kissing photos to funny pet names, they always manage to perfectly embody #relationshipgoals. And her message to him for his 24th birthday is no exception.
Hadid shared a stunning black and white photo of Zayn on Instagram Thursday, January 12, with the message, "Happy birthday my handsome! So lucky to know and love a soul like yours. Wishing you the best year ever!!!"
Last year, she posted a photo of a Z pendant for her boyfriend's birthday, writing "ZDAY" in the caption. And for her birthday, they hung out together on a Malibu beach and partied in LA.
We're counting down until her next birthday on April 23rd, so we can once again celebrate the couple's love vicariously.
With only a week left until inauguration, President-elect Donald Trump is still having a tough time booking performers. In fact, there's only one solo act scheduled to perform: opera singer Jackie Evancho, of America's Got Talent fame. (You're not alone if you're asking yourself, Who?)
This week, The New York Time s sat down with Evancho, 16, and her older sister Juliet, 18, to discuss the upcoming performance. Juliet, who is transgender, is not planning to attend the inauguration; she told The Times she has "prior engagements."
"I definitely will be there...in spirit," Juliet offered. She came out as trans two years ago, and the Evancho family is currently suing the sisters' school district, arguing that Juliet is legally entitled to use the women's bathrooms at school.
Both sisters were adamant that Juliet's decision to skip next week's festivities "had nothing to do with the polarized politics surrounding the inauguration." In fact, Juliet and the rest of the Evancho family may not even be invited in the first place. Dad Mike Evancho told The Times he was unsure if they would even be given tickets to the event.
Jackie added that her decision to perform was personal rather than political: "I just kind of thought that this is for my country," she explained. "So if people are going to hate on me, it’s for the wrong reason.”
Vanity Fair reports that Evancho will perform alongside The Rockettes and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, although a few Rockettes have already refused and one choir member has defected in protest. “I simply cannot continue with the recent turn of events,” singer Jan Chamberlain wrote on Facebook of her decision to quit, according to VF.
When we look to invest in a designer handbag, we tend to gravitate towards styles that are most often characterized as "timeless," "classic," and "wear-everyday." (Translation: not too trendy, and probably made of black leather). But, like the shifting retail landscape, what shoppers want to spend money on is changing, too. In the past, the handbags considered to be "most popular " played it safe in terms of color and shape; but, Lyst reports that its statistics for 2017 are telling a different story.
We may only be a couple of weeks into the new year, but the e-commerce platform has already observed a massive spike in views for four particular items. Loewe's technicolor elephant bag is an early standout for top 2017 handbags: In the first 10 days of the year, it got 307% more searches and 128% more sale conversions than the brand's average views and checkouts. Anya Hindmarch's cherry red, googley-eyed pouch has seen the second-highest bump compared to the brand's average, with searches up 222% and sales up 80%. Sophie Hulme may best be known for its structured, monochromatic handbags, but the style that got on Lyst's radar is its candy-striped crossbody, which has seen a 103% increase in searches and 56% increase in sales. The last of the top four is Sophie Anderson's circular, striped Adorada bag, which is up 47% and 29% in views and sales, respectively.
These bags, while wildly different in look, share a few commonalities: bright colors, playful details, and unconventional silhouettes. Lyst believes this is no coincidence: "In the last couple of seasons, we've started to see a shift away from more practical bags, with brands such as Anya Hindmarch and Marc Jacobs including more irreverent styles (think smiley faces and road signs) alongside their more timeless black and tan designs," Sophie Hay, the company's editorial manager, tells Refinery29. "However, in 2016 we really saw a shift in brands known for their classic investment styles, like Loewe and Mulberry, forego staple classics for playful alternatives."
"At the beginning of 2016, our shoppers were investing in Instagram It-bags," Hay notes of how different these silhouettes are from last year's most popular pieces. "The Chloé Faye, Mansur Gavriel's bucket bags, and J.W Anderson's Pierce bags were all gaining momentum." While these styles have been wildly popular for awhile, she noted, they're most accurately described as practical. "The most popular colors were neutral shades (black and tan), and were comparatively inexpensive. People were looking to invest in a bag that wouldn't date after the season was over."
This is a pretty dramatic shift when you think of aesthetics solely. But according to Hay, that there's a different search behavior that comes with statement pieces — specifically, she noted that the "purchasing intent" is much more deliberate. "With these trend-led styles, people know exactly what they are after, and will search for a specific designer and bag name," she explained. "With more classic handbag styles people tend to browse more before committing to that big purchase."
Already, 2017 seems to be painting a different picture. Hay hypothesizes that this might be customers' way of responding to the garbage fire that was 2016. "Fashion, like anything else, functions as a mirror to what is going on in the world around us," she postulated. "After the slog that was 2016, I think consumers are looking for a bit of light relief when it comes to their clothing. A playful bag is a low-commitment way to add a bit of fun to your wardrobe (and it looks great on Instagram.)"
So, when we play our biannual game of street-style eye spy, watch out for these four styles. Considering these stats, you'll likely spot them everywhere.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Here's the truth: celebrities don't owe us anything. Just because we see a celebrity out in the world doesn't mean that they owe us a selfie, an Instagram shout-out, or even a smile. You would think a fellow celebrity might understand this, but that's not always the case.
Charlie Sheen still has beef with Rihanna for not taking a photo with his then-fiancée Brett Rossi, and he spewed the grossest comments on Watch What Happens Live to prove it.
In 2014, Sheen took Rossi out to dinner at a Santa Monica restaurant where RiRi was also eating. When Sheen requested that Rihanna meet Rossi, the "Work" singer declined. The former Two and a Half Men star then went on a Twitter tirade against the pop star, insulting her outfit and insisting that they were better off not having met her at all. Umm, okay.
After Sheen made the comments, Rihanna clapped back on Twitter telling Sheen to get his "diapers out of a bunch." Now, the TV star has gotten the last word years after the fact.
When Watch What Happens Live host Andy Cohen asked Sheen if he made up with Rihanna, the actor pretended not to know who Rihanna was, then responded:
"Rihanna... Oh! That bitch!"
Yikes. Craig Robinson, who was sitting next to Sheen on the talk show, looked appalled. Twitter immediately reacted to Sheen's insult:
It's gross that Sheen felt so entitled to Rihanna's time he's still going on about it years after the fact. Fortunately, RiRi is not one to let the words of small men affect her life. Unlike Sheen, she has more to do than reignite a "feud" Sheen started in the first place.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Former Hills star Audrina Patridge and her husband, BMX rider Corey Bohan, have a pretty great life together. They got married in November, with a beautiful ceremony in Hawaii. And they have an adorable baby girl, Kirra Max.
Unfortunately, it looks like not everyone is happy about the family. In an interview with Momtastic, Patridge revealed that "haters" have criticized her and Bohan for having a child before getting hitched.
"A lot of people gave me a hard time for having a baby before getting married, but who are they to judge?" Patridge told the outlet. "You always have those few haters who are going to be negative in every situation. At the end of the day, nobody is perfect. You have to do what's good for you."
Patridge refused to let other people define her happiness, too. She said that "God has a plan for everyone," and she believes having her daughter at the time she did was "meant to be."
We're glad Patridge is speaking out against the criticism. It's no one else's business when someone chooses to start a family — and other people's children should definitely be off-limits.
And as for the haters, she's taking the high road. Patridge told Momtastic that if there's anything she learned from The Hills, it's to "accept people for who they are and don't judge." Preach.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
I have a confession to make: I have a minor addiction to what might be described as new school self-help books. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying? Yep, my apartment has been Kondo'd many times over. The Happiness Project? Before it was a podcast, it was a book that I turned to whenever I felt like my life was veering off course and needed a little redirection.
And then there's Tiny Beautiful Things, a collection of advice columns by Wild author Cheryl Strayed that has basically been my bible for how to be a better person — and also give myself a break for not being perfect. (We're all just human, right?)
So what do all these books have in common, apart from the fact that they're my go-to gifts for friends during the holidays? Though they vary in subject, these titles are all inspirational reads that might just help get you over the hump when you need a little push. Getting your read on never felt so good.
Jamison's series of essay is exactly what it purports to be: an examination of empathy. The first essay catalogues Jamison's experience as a practice medical patient. (As in, she pretended to be a patient for medical students.) What emerges is a deep rumination on how we cultivate empathy in our lives and how — most importantly — we can be empathetic towards ourselves.
Photo: Courtesy of Graywolf Press.
Bird By Bird
by Anne Lamott
Lamott's 1994 book on writing gives advice that applies to your writerly life — and literally everything else. The book derives its title from her father's advice re: a book report on birds.
"Just take it bird by bird." Want to write? Take it bird by bird. Sentence by sentence. Want to become a morning person? Take it day by day. Lamott's elegantly worded advice — she is a writer, after all — speaks to the quiet dedication life requires if you want to accomplish anything at all. She believes the act of writing (and the act of trying to write) more important than publication or reward. She encourages crappy writing and failed attempts. Read the book, page by page, and savor its kindly encouraging advice.
Photo: Courtesy of Anchor.
Not That Kind Of Girl
By Lena Dunham
Yep, we're counting this one as inspirational. Dunham is one of our favorite (literal) lady bosses; she accomplished a lot during the wild twentysomething years, and she definitely has wisdom to deliver, with wit to boot.
Photo: Courtesy of Random House.
How To Be A Person In The World
By Heather Havrilesky
Do you read Dear Polly? If you do, then you already know why this book is the best. If you don't, you're majorly missing out, for reasons that we explained in great detail right her e.
Photo: Courtesy of Doubleday.
The Year of Magical Thinking
By Joan Didion
When Joan Didion's husband, the writer John Gregory Dunne, passed away, she was left to cope with the hole in her life, and in her heart. But this memoir is more elegy than eulogy, as well as a beautiful portrait of how one woman grieves her great loss.
Photo: Courtesy of Vintage Books.
When Breath Becomes Air
By Paul Kalanithi
Paul Kanthani was a successful doctor in the prime of his life when he learned he had terminal cancer; but in addition to being a brilliant medical mind, he was also a beautiful writer and observer of the human condition.
Compiled from his papers and finished by his wife after Kalanithi's passing, When Breath Becomes Air is an at once heartbreaking and hope-giving book about what it means to truly appreciate life and the little moments that make up our days.
Photo: Courtesy of Random House.
The Happiness Project
By Gretchen Rubin
Another (slightly) oldie but still goodie: Gretchen Rubin shakes out the cobwebs of her life and figures out how to channel her days toward happiness in a larger sense. If you're feeling blue, this is a practical how-to for shaking things up.
Photo: Courtesy of Harper Collins.
The Five People You Meet In Heaven
By Mitch Albom
An oldie and a goodie, this book is a work of fiction that functions as a parable for appreciating the time we spend here on this pretty little planet.
Photo: Courtesy of Hachette Books.
Big Magic
By Elizabeth Gilbert
Even if you sort of think Eat, Pray, Love is insufferable, Big Magic is, well, actually magical. Smart and insightful, and full of that Elizabeth Gilbert charm, Big Magic is the author fully embracing her accidental guru side — and if you're someone who is still working on unleashing their creative potential (aren't we all) then this book, and the podcast of the same name, could be the answer.
Photo: Courtesy of Riverhead Books.
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love & Life From Dear Sugar
By Cheryl Strayed
Lifted directly from Strayed's long-running column at The Rumpus, Dear Sugar is a compilations of personal essays meant to answer the readers who wrote in with their heartaches, heartbreaks, and questions about how to deal with the curveballs life throws our way.
But while she's speaking to specific people, Strayed's writing is wonderfully universal, and her wisdom is at once deeply contextualizing and comforting. A perfect pick-me-up that will make you cry and also want to dry your tears.
Photo: Courtesy of Vintage Books.
The Year Of Yes
By Shonda Rhimes
Um, what advice wouldn't we take from the powerhouse of network TV? Rhimes is basically a genius in our book — and in her book, she proves that by giving badass and totally applicable advice about how to silence self-doubt and channel the person you are truly meant to be. There is a reason that this one is a bestseller many-times over, and you'll find it in the pages.
Photo: Courtesy of Simon & Schuster.
The Opposite Of Loneliness
By Marina Keegan
Elie Wiesel once said that the opposite of love isn't hate: It's indifference. The opposite of loneliness is equally opaque — but it's what this smart, thoughtful collection gets at.
Another layer: Keegan was newly graduate from Yale and starting a job at The New Yorker when she died tragically in a car crash; her hope for the future makes this collection all the more moving, a reminder that life is precious and should be lived to its fullest.
Photo: Photo Courtesy of Scribner.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Numbers don't lie — and the latest statistics may be an indication that we're making ground when it comes to LGBTQ acceptance. A Gallup poll released yesterday revealed that "American adults identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) increased to 4.1% in 2016 from 3.5% in 2012." Over 10 million American adults are now identifying as LGBT, which is up from 1.75 million back in 2012.
The information was gathered from a pool of 1.6 million American adults over the past five years. The statisticians at Gallup said that more than 49,000 respondents replied "yes" when asked, "Do you, personally, identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender?" According to Gallup, this new data set shows the "largest representative sample of LGBT Americans."
The poll also breaks down respondents' ages and ethnic groups. Millennials, which Gallup defines as those born between 1980 and 1998, are "are more than twice as likely as any other generation to identify as LGBT." In 2012, millennials made up 48% of America's LGBT population. In the new poll, that number jumped to 58%. The latest stats also show that the number of women identifying as LGBT rose more than men: LGBT identification in women jumped to 4.4%, and the increase was 3.7% among men. All racial groups, income groups, and education levels reported higher than in previous years, as well. This doesn't mean that there are more LGBT people overall, it just indicates that more people are being open about their sexuality.
When People asked a mini Selena Gomez to describe her style back in 2009, she answered, “80-year old woman.” She was kidding, but also not completely. And, as beauty trajectories go, the advanced M.O. has served her well.
Unlike many of her peers, Gomez's red carpet evolution is noticeably absent of rainbow hair or fleeting makeup trends. Instead, she opts for classics like old-Hollywood waves, soft updos, smoky eyes, and crimson lips. Still, she’s managed to pull off sophisticated beauty without appearing pearl-clutchingingly conservative. The secret? Modernizing the looks with an edgy outfit, like this Atelier Versace number.
The strategy has served as a best case scenario for transitioning from Disney tween to graceful megastar. Ahead, the unexpected leader of old school shows us how it’s done, 19 different ways.
Loose curls around the face, glossy red lips, and flushed cheeks kept Gomez looking youthful but glam at a 2009 movie premiere.
Photo: Jean Baptiste Lacroix/Getty Images.
So nice, she wore it twice: For this 2009 red carpet, Selena softened the look with bigger curls and more natural-looking makeup.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/TCA 2010/Getty Images.
A fresh take on old-Hollywood waves and tightlined eyes made for a radiant red carpet look at the 2010 Teen Choice Awards.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/TCA 2010/Getty Images.
In 2011, Gomez jumped on the ombré lob train — but in the softest, most subtle way. A rosy flush on lips and cheeks made her complexion glow.
Photo: Marcel Thomas/Getty Images.
We love how Gomez offset her romantic makeup look with a messy, textured updo at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
At the 2011 American Music Awards, Gomez took the elements of a classic red carpet look (smoky eye, full lashes, glossy waves) and upgraded them by replacing typical red lips with a fresh coral shade.
Photo: Jeff Kravitz/AMA2011/Getty Images.
We love the orange statement lip almost as much as the off-the-charts confidence that Gomez exuded at the 2012 MuchMusic Video Awards.
Photo: George Pimentel/Getty Images.
Is it just us or can you actually see your reflection in Gomez's glossy mane? Her 2013 strands had us Googling “how to get really shiny hair now.”
Photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.
The Selena super-braid made us fangirls back in 2013 — and it’s giving us a similar feel now. Even if we don’t have the length (or extensions) to replicate this long, reverse-French number, it’s motivating us to get our braid on (the easy way).
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
We're nominating this copper-kissed balayage (from the summer of 2013) for Gomez's hair hall-of-fame.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
Her slit-up-to-there Versace gown was a serious showstopper and so was the makeup. A bright berry lip, softly bronzed skin, and clean, flicked-out liner made this look 100% Selena.
Blowdried strands and a deep part are beauty gold on Gomez.
Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images.
Simple, center-parted hair (worn here in 2014) not only became a major trend during 2015’s award season, but the look serves as a perfect compliment to a bright red lip and mega lashes. Oh, and can we talk about those matching earrings for a sec?
Photo: JB Lacroix/Getty Images.
Gomez shocked Instagram fans when she chopped her waist-length hair into a layered lob in 2015. When styled with Kim Basinger-like, peek-a-boo bangs weeks later, we were instantly smitten.
Photo: Angela Weiss/Getty Images.
A side ponytail is a never-fail hairstyle that Selena pulls off flawlessly.
Photo: Jeff Kravitz/AMA2011/Getty Images.
Deep, luscious locks paired with smoldering smoky eyes makes for a red carpet look for the books.
Our favorite part about Selena’s 2016 Grammys look? It was created with drugstore makeup — and the genius hands of makeup artist Linda Hay.
Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images.
Selena went lighter for summer this year and we're more than here for it.
Photo: AKM/GSI.
Gomez's '70s-inspired bangs complemented her honey blond highlights and wavy texture‚ which she wore for the rest of her Revival tour.
Photo: Via @selenagomez/Instagram.
Recently, Gomez chopped her hair — and then lopped off a few more inches to her collarbone. We hadn't seen the star like this since her Wizards of Waverly Place days — and we dig it.
Photo: Via @tranterjustin/Instagram.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of beauty tips, tutorials, and news on the Refinery29 Beauty Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
During college, I spent four years living in dorms. Shortly after, I moved into an apartment with roommates. When it comes to my sexual history, there's rarely been an encounter that hasn't involved at least some level of caution when it comes to volume. In trying to control it, however, you realize there's not much about sex that is innately quiet. The bed bangs against the wall, the mattress squeaks, even your body makes noises from time to time.
Of course, there's no shame in any of these things. It's totally up to you whether or not you want your roommate, neighbors, or family members to hear you! However, some of us just don't want to deal with the awkward eye contact or conversation that could follow a particularly loud night. So we reached out to a couple of experts who assured us that you can still have satisfying sex without anyone else needing to put on headphones, and found some first-hand tips and tricks from users on Reddit who figured out how to get it on while keeping it down.
Ahead are 15 ways you and your partner(s) can have sex without making too much noise — whether it's coming from you, the bed, or beyond.
Focus on the foreplay.
If your sex includes penetration, or any up and down movement, keeping things quiet can mean shifting focus. "The more foreplay you have, the less time you will need engaging in actual penetration," says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, Founder & Chief Relationship Advisor of Relationup & ABS Certified Clinical Sexologist. "The less up and down movement, the less banging you will have of the bed against the wall."
Turn it into a game.
A frequent suggestion on Reddit when it comes to quiet sex is to try and see it as a positive. "Make it a challenge to try and keep each other quiet," writes one user. "Covering each other's mouths to shush can be kinda hot if you think about it."
Try Lotus position.
A way to minimize thrusting during penetration is to find positions that limit it while still being satisfying. Jonathan Alpert, a Manhattan psychotherapist, sex/relationship expert, and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days recommends the Lotus position. Either you or your partner sits with legs crossed while the other lowers themselves on top.
"This position minimizes movement, because bodies are basically locked into each other and there's very little room for thrusting," Alpert says.
Or mix up Doggy style by doing it on the floor.
"As long as you can pad the knees, this will be fine," says Alpert. Moving sex to the floor eliminates the possibility of a squeaky bed, and provides a more stable base so you can control your movements.
Use a memory foam mattress.
This was universally considered the quietest bed option when the issue of squeaky springs was discussed on Reddit. One user recommends putting the mattress on "either a wooden frame (no metal joints to squeak) or, even quieter, on the floor."
"That's what we have and it's dead silent," they continued. "Be advised, though, that memory foam mattresses don't have any 'bounce' in them, sex-wise."
Change the angle.
If the problem is a rickety headboard banging against the wall, one Reddit user found that turning just 90 degrees solved the problem.
"As long as its a big bed, you can have sex sideways on the bed, and then it's not hitting the wall from that motion," they explained.
Don't forget missionary!
This relatively straightforward position is a staple for a reason. It allows for control, eye contact, and in the case of quiet sex, freedom to use your hands.
"It allows you to cover up [your partner's] mouth if [they get] too loud," Alpert says.
Use duct tape.
This relatively industrial solution can actually be pretty hot. All you have to do is cover you and/or your partner's mouth(s) with duct tape.
"Limiting one form of communication can greatly enhance other forms," says Alpert. "By not being able to speak, you'll have to find other ways to communicate — such as through enhanced vision and touch."
"Make sure you use Chapstick beforehand," a Reddit user warns. "Or you will have your lips ripped off."
Purchase a ball gag.
If you find yourself being too vocal during sex, a ball gag is another great solution.
"They help me all the time," a Reddit user reveals. "Just make sure you get one that's comfortable for you. It gave me something to actually bite down on without having to worry about biting so hard I bleed."
Reach for a pillow.
Screaming into pillows is an oddly perfect fix: They absorb noise like a boss.
"We do positions where I am face down so I can make all the noise I want into a pillow," a Reddit user explains.
Face down positions can include any kind of positions from behind, or you can just bring the pillow with you no matter what angle you're trying.
Two words: mutual oral.
Keeping both of your mouths busy ensures quiet, says Alpert. It's also a relatively still position that packs a lot of punch, so the payoff is enormous if it's something you and your partner are both comfortable orchestrating.
Spooning while facing each other.
This involves a slight twist to create something both insanely intimateand relatively quiet. "Faces are close, so it's a good way to communicate non-verbally and minimize noise level," says Alpert. "Thrusts are shorter and usually slower in this position."
Use the shower.
However, don't get in the shower, since shower sex allows for all kinds of echoes, slips, and sometimes falls. Instead, run the shower while you use the counter, toilet, or floor for support.
"It's not romantic," says one Reddit user. "But it's sexy because we both want each other so much."
Reverse missionary position.
Keep things close to limit movement, whether that's facing each other or a sort of on-top-spooning situation.
"While [your partner is] lying on [their] back, you lie on top of [them]," explains Alpert. "This position forces grinding in close proximity, and there's minimal thrusting."
Do everything but.
Depending on the situation, you might need to concede that full-blown sex (whatever that entails for you) isn't possible at that time. Instead, get each other off in other ways.
"If you control the moans and screams, the only issue is the noise coming from the bed moving vigorously," says Milrad. "Have fun with manual and oral stimulation and pleasure each other that way."
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
You can probably guess that crazy, weird, and even disgusting things sometimes go on behind-the-scenes at some of our favorite restaurants. And, if you've ever worked in food service you know it can happen. If you haven't, though, we have a little video that will let you in on the action.
This week, a few employees of a Florida-based Jimmy John's were fired after posting a Snapchat video of themselves participating in a rather unconventional activity involving the bread dough. It turns out that bread dough is useful for more than just making fresh bread. These bakers used it as a pretty decent jump rope.
I can tell you from my personal experience that I've seen things like this happen all the time in the back of restaurants, especially if you happen to be working with mostly irresponsible college-aged boys. When I worked at Jimmy John's, I saw my fair share of fencing with frozen bread dough, though the jump rope is a first. I would say these workers were clever to come up with such an inventive use for the dough if it weren't for their major misstep of bragging about it on Snapchat.
GrubStreet reported that the franchise owners were made aware of the video, and released a statement soon after saying, "Our investigation confirmed the dough used in the video was immediately discarded after the incident. However, we do not condone this behavior from our employees and appropriate action has been taken to prevent this from ever happening again." Those involved have been terminated, but don't worry, they probably have a good chance to make it big at this year's jump rope world championship in June.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
